Now I know why Austen wrote about interiors rather than exteriors

Many of my friends have asked me what California is like thus far, and I can only talk about how nice my apartment is. Well, I just realized that my paper (which I am still writing) has kept me indoors the entire time I have been here. So, I obviously can't comment on any of the beaches, the weather. . . you know, the usual thing that people comment on when they travel to new and exciting places.

I am, of course, still writing my paper. I have about 8 pages (probably all crap). I have no idea if my argument is too plain jane, and I may be too uncritical and not using my full range of sources. Nonetheless, I will still push through, burning the midnight oil, tonight and try to finish by the crack of dawn tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can then clean it up and send it in on Sunday night/Monday morning.

AAAAAHHHHH! Then FREEDOM! 2-4-6-0-1!!!!!!

I'm in L.A.

My summer job is about to start in an hour, and I am currently sitting in "my apartment" in Seal Beach, just south of Los Angeles. The weather is nice (as always). I have a really NICE bed. I miss having a bed this nice (did I ever have a bed this nice?).

I'm a bit nervous. . . but not entirely of the job. I'm still working on my paper for my class, but I have yet to type A SINGLE PAGE. I've been compiling a ton of information on the author and his work, and I'm in the midst of close reading passages with swains in them. Yep. Swains (not swans, look it up). Blah.

I'm already freaking out inside. I am worried this is not going to make it to my professor in time. I have no idea if he will offer me an incomplete. . . and ultimately, I'm not sure if I want to take it. This is a rather precarious situation to be in. . . Who's fault is it? Mine Mine Mine.

Our work schedule is 8:30-4:30, but it takes about 15-30 to drive to our work site. I have no idea what this will be like, but I have a feeling that it will be uncomfortable. This is one of the philosophies of the company. Put people into a state of disequilibrium so that they must learn more in order to adjust to a state of equilibrium. Pretty much like grad school.

A new yu!

Just kidding. . . anyway, here's a picture of me and my new haircut. The picture looks grainy and unkempt because of the lighting:


I've gained quite a bit of weight in the last month of this semester, but I hope to drop it all once I start working and actually DOING something instead of writing papers. . .

It still hasn't hit me that I will be leaving town on Sunday. . . for a LONG time. Ah well. . .

Gah! I look like a man!

AAAACK! Dread of last paper

Have I started my final paper? The very last paper that will guarantee me solace and relief from the past semester? Nope.

This is a problem. This means I either have to write it straight through in the next 2 days, or I will have to bring all of my work with me on the plane.

I'm off to get a haircut and not worry about it for now. I'll show y'all a picture when I get back.

2 down, 1 to go

I know I haven't been keeping you abreast of my mayem lately, but that's because I've been busy working my weary hands on some very sinister papers. So, I'm at the point right now where I have finished my pastoral paper (incidentally on Miyazaki's Nausicaa), and I am now taking a quick blogging break before I begin work on Thomson's Seasons. Little did I know that this work is rather cumbersome and has an extensive publication history. .. well, actually. . . I did know this, but I decided to do it anyway. Meh.

I just found out that I will be in LA this summer for about a month and then moving my way to Phoenix until August. Hopefully I will be an amazing teacher. Hopefully. I want to say that this may determine my future in academia. I've found more and more enjoyment in the editing and writing process than I actually do in the literary analysis process (but not so much in the way of composition studies). So. I never really tried my best in terms of my teaching. . . This may be the summer for me to give it my all and find out how rewarding it could be (or not be!).

I take delight in moments where I practically resolve issues in papers. . . It makes my heart skip a beat. I wonder if I can feel the same way about literary analysis again. . . I know I can about theory, but it's been a while for the thing that I'm actually supposed to enjoy. . . Is this pathetic, or am I just exhausted?

While enjoying my miel (yes, it's now one of my favorite caffeinated beverages), I noticed how cold it is. . . Drink faster, Em. . . faster!

It is Sunday and I am scared!

For some reason, every time I type an apostrohe, my Find function keeps popping up. That is just plain annoying. Oh well!

Anyway, it is Sunday (and I am avoiding the use of contractions and the like), I am currently at Panera Bread, hurriedly typing away at my Troilus paper. Okay. I am glad, at least, to know that I do not really enjoy Middle English in the ways that others do. However, I did really enjoy reading Chaucer. He is a kick in the pants, but his scholarship is a bit scary.

I have about 7 pages, including two 3-passage long quotes. That is not good. But I only need about 12-15 pages for this bad boy. . . Soon I will be starting my paper on Thomson and his Seasons. That should be interesting, to say the least.

Yet again, I wonder why I always procrastinate till I can no longer wait. What am I thinking? Well, I suppose I am not thinking. I believe that subconsciously I want to fail. . . I desire failure so that I can stop what I am currently doing (because it is too difficult) and move on to something else. But it's not too difficult (yay! that damn apostrophe thing finally went away). And I know that I can accomplish these things, not easily but y'know. I think I'm just plain lazy.

Woo-hoo! Just a week left, and I'll be on my way to someplace else!

Yeah, my summer job. . . I've no idea where I'm going, and I've no idea where I'll be, so this becomes an excitin' new exper'ence that'll shape the way I think. Hop'fully, not too much.

Christina, we're driving almost the same car!

You Should Drive a Jaguar XK 4.2

You don't care how you get there as long as you get there with class. And having a little power doesn't hurt either!

What 2007 Car Should You Drive?

'Tis an honor!

Hi all,
I just received a message regarding Carol's Friends of the Friendless Marching Band and Friendly Fridays. . . Apparently, this blog is being monitored by many people now. . .

I originally started this blog as a venting mechanism, like so many others also have. At the moment, it's a way for me to communicate with family and friends that I hardly ever seen now that I am working on my degree in Madison.

Thanks for featuring my blog this week! I hope that y'all will also take a look at my sisters' blogs (they are located on the side links, I believe).

Best,
Bemmie

Best Caffeinated Beverage of All Time

I don't know what I would have done in my life if I hadn't tried this beverage. Yes, I've fallen off the wagon, and I've started drinking caffeine again. I now drink Coke but not as much as I used to in my younger and slightly wanton days. However, my friend introduced me to Electric Earth (cute coffee shop), and I tried something the call "Miel." This may be old hat for some of you, but it's a new experience for me!

It's basically like liquid incredible! It's a latte, but they press the espresso shot with cinnamon, and then they fill the bottom of the glass with honey before they pour in the latte. I get it with soy milk, so I don't have to suffer through traumatizing lactose-intolerance pains. This has just the right amount of sweet with spice, and it keeps me up for many MANY hours.

Of course, now it is problematic as I am typing to a heart attack as we speak...

One day, I shall conquer you again caffeine. . . oh yes, I shall!

More quizzy mcquiz quiz stuff

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

What can I say? I'm bored. . .

Your Hair Should Be Purple

Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional. You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris. You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I guess, he's okay

I've lately been thinking about the actor Billy Bob Thornton, and I finally came to the following realization: I like Billy Bob Thornton. Now, I'm not saying that I want to have his babies or kiss his hillbilly feet. Billy Bob is quite an accomplished character actor. He keeps it real. He keeps me entertained. And at the end of the day, what more could you possibly expect from an actor? His depictions of mentally disabled Slingblade man to I could give a shit less safe cracking Santa are really quite strong. They're memorable. He's memorable. And there are definitely some instances when I am completely appalled by how grotesque he is, but there are also roles that are quite endearing in that "average joe just trying to make it" way. I like the fact that he seems practical and smart, but not booksmart, just reasonable. He's also quite matter of fact about getting laid. . . who couldn't appreciate that?

Anyway, that particular confession has been weighing down on me for months. There. I said it. I like Billy Bob Thornton. We can now move on.

Interview #237

I'm waiting in anticipation for possibly my final interview with this company. I've interviewed with the same company for the same job for the past 2 months, and I think I may finally discover what the result of all this interviewing is. It's really all part of some secret government experiment to test my nerves (and how quickly I can get so terribly annoyed by this process). I could understand if each interview involved some different questions or techniques, but I have been answering the same questions repeatedly over the last five or six interviews (including the one in person). I know they have a file on me. I know that all the interviewers communicate with each other. So, why don't they know it??

In other news, the semester is winding down to the last three weeks of school. I remember that the last three weeks were so much more chaotic in my mind last semester. Now, I feel underprepared yet calm. I don't know which is worse.

Today I'm wearing my black ballet slippers, which is a significant change from recent foot events. I can't wear regular shoes because my baby toe has swollen joints that make it painful and impossible to walk. I can't wear flip flops because I have a former blister scabbed over between my toes. And I can't go barefoot because restaurants like McDonalds and Burger King refuse to service me. So, it's either ballet slippers or crocs.

Disney Fun House

Sick and Twisted

So, right now I'm laying in bed, watching crappy infomercials that remind me of those trailers for Resident Evil, and finishing up my state taxes for last year. Blah.

I can't believe how much information is required for Madison financial aid, especially when I don't recall having to fill out this much information in Colorado. They require special forms, FAFSA, and a signed income tax return. That's just crazy talk!

Anyway, I'm not the one whose thinking and typing right now. . . Mr. Nyquil has taken over my mind and is making me do things while I am knocked out unconscious in my bed. Laalalala. . . *Devious laughter ensues*

I can't wait to go back to school again. . . I'm so sick of laying around, reading and watching infomercials. Blah.

This is the end, the end, my friend, the end.

Well, not quite the end of the semester yet, I'm afraid. But, that doesn't mean I don't want it to come any faster.
I'm currently working on rough drafts for all of my classes. Is it me, or do these rough drafts take a lot longer than they used to? I don't know if it's me being hedgy, or if I'm being much more meticulous in my writing. Meh.

This weekend will be both fun and incredibly strenuous. One of my professors is retiring, so they are having a 2 day conference in his honor. This is a fantastic event with the major players in the field. However, I also have about 4600 words due on Monday. I'm currently around 1000. So, we'll see how this turns out.

I promised many people that I would go out for shooting pool and partying to my heart's desire on Thursday (whoa, that's tomorrow!), but I now realize that promises were made to be broken. Damnit, I'm going to have that draft complete by Monday!

As the semester closes in upon me like a lion to its prey, I wonder why this particular semester felt so much better than the last? Have I stopped caring? Have I started to care again? Have I figured out a momentum that works for me? Well, I don't know. . . All I know is that I feel a lot better about graduate school and this particular graduate program. I'm also okay about being locationally separated from significant other. That was one of the more difficult parts of last term. I also don't feel like I have to be perfect in the eyes of most of my professors. They assume that I won't be anyway. So, I don't feel this stress about having to prove myself all the time. As for the other students. . . well, as usually, I don't honestly care what they think of me.

I ought to be depressed or something

This weekend has been crazy, and I haven't done a lick of intended work. I went to school yesterday, and that was fine, went home, packed, and then drove for about 3.5 hours to get to downtown Chicago. It was around 10:30 or 11pm when I checked into the Marriott.

It was a gorgeous hotel, beautiful view, etc. But, the gigantic king sized bed took up about 75% of the room. Also, I had to literally $40 for parking, $70 for gas, and $30 for a hamburger and beer. Yeah.

I went to my job interview today which went okay, but on my way back to the hotel to pick up my car, I tripped over a random curb which appeared in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk, and I think I may have sprained (sp?) my ankle and toes. It hurts like hell.

I proceeded to drive back up to Madison. Unfortunately, it took me about 2 hours to get out of the downtown area (due to heavy traffic). I then drove all the way back (seems fine). Once I got home and looked at my foot, I noticed that it is entirely swollen, starting bruise, and extremely painful. Now I need to spend the rest of my weekend writing stuff up, researching and writing for my rough draft due next Monday.

Oh yeah, of course I also need to set my clocks up and watch yet another hour of my life disappear into nothingness.

"Complexification"

I attended a lecture on Women and Print Culture earlier this week. The speaker was "winging it" from a series of notes and an outline. . . She was very nervous. At some point, instead of saying a situation had "complication," she used the term "complexification." -- That term pretty much means what it is. . . if it were a real term. I sympathized with her nerves, but she is a professional scholar. . . she's been in the "biz" for quite some time, so I'm rather surprised that she employed techniques that would be for a more casual, informal talk on a lecture that was supposed to spark interest in a recent collaborative publication. It was bizarre. Moreover, she unintentionally insulted the English department -- this was not a good thing, given that many people in the audience were from the English department. She later apologized for it, but still. . . it was very strange.

I'm in the midst of lackadaisical procrastination. I remember how my friend Misty from high school loved the term lackadaisical. It was another one of those terms that is what it is. Anyway, I feel like killing time with video games, surfing the internet, writing my blog (hurr), and other miscellaneous non-school activities. Spring Break at mid-semester can do these things to a person.

I feel that I may be too prolix. Which is a term that isn't what it is. Hmmm. WWWD? (What would Wittgenstein do?)





**Another funny note. Blogger's spell check actually picked up the term "blog" as a misspelled word. That's hilarious.

**Even funnier, I think I've been misspelling the word "misspelled" for most of my life.

Rare Disney VD movie

I saw this from BoingBoing quoting google video:

End of the week, beginning of the end

This would be the one time in the semester where we all bunker down, stop having fun, and start living in . .. the real world. haha, just kidding.

Honestly, it's the approach of our last weeks in the semester when all of our reading material and course work is supposed to help enlighten a path for our final projects. I only know of one thing I'm interested in writing on this semester, and perhaps two larger/general ideas, yet the way I've formulated my ideas for the past 9 weeks is coming from an approach that isn't really literature oriented. Perhaps, am I returning to my roots of philosophy and film? Hmm. . . interesting.

We also had an interesting discussion on Interdisciplinarity Today. To a certain extent, there is now a return to the "Renaissance Man" -- generally, a person who is well-versed in many areas and an expert in many things. However, there is this danger (could it be an exciting danger??) to experiment with issues, genres, media, and concepts that you are not an expert in (and will probably never become an expert in). . . Although this experimentation could open many possibilities, there is the risk of being mediocre and uninformed in a scattershot manner rather than an expert in more things that one. This presents interdisciplinarity in a more intellectually elitist light, and I'm not sure that's the kind of "bad" elitism that people fear and disdain. Instead, I would like to think that this kind of elitism is one in which we push ourselves to learn more and become so much more adept. Interdisciplinarity is one of those things that if you are good at, you are really good; however, on the flip side, if you are bad, well... you get the idea.

I'm feeling so pensive right now. It could be the after-effects of reading good ol' Wittgenstein, or it could be my desire to (my lack of) sleep and regain the things I have already lost.

Which reminds me. . . I'm really enjoying the theoretical work in the pastoral genre (particularly space). Why do I keep returning to these genres that reflect a sense of loss or nostalgia? What is it that drives me to seek these things out? What we produce is a reflection of the issues and concerns we've been struggling to answer throughout our lives.

Okay. . . that was quite Emo of me. Back to work. . .