I'm currently trying to finish the entire rewrite of my masters project while simultaneously packing for Madison. I leave for Madison tomorrow night. My SO has been kind enough to write me lists of things for packing, carrying, remembering to do, etc. Sigh.
I hate my project. It's become this monstrosity that is no longer mine. I cried and cried all day yesterday after I was told by my committee to rewrite the entire thing by Friday afternoon. I cried even harder when I got home because I knew that I had lost my personal integrity.
I honestly don't think it will be too hard to find a job after I finish grad school. I might not become a professor, but I can probably become somebody's personal yes man or something along those lines. My unguarded self has left the building. It doesn't even matter any more. . . Now I know that my own thoughts are absolutely worthless to the ego-sucking academics who can only think of themselves.
I don't know what else to say about this whole process. First, I suppose, is never have someone who isn't tenured yet chair your committee. Next is to drop someone the minute trouble is brewing. . . even a hint of it. Last is always have two different copies of an essay ready in case one is going to be rejected outright at the very last minute.
It is now practically the 11th hour. I have no idea how I'm going to end my paper. I have no idea if grad school is really like this all the time. I honestly wonder if I will devote more time to blowing my nose into kleenex and rubbing my eyes raw with toilet paper.
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