A revisin' we will go. . .

Right now I am currently revising my master's project while watching Dodgeball simultaneously. Nothing is better than working on literary criticism while watching a slapstick movie. I also saw Harold and Kumar for the first time last night. Damn, that was so smart in its funny.

I don't think I can get used to this semester. Usually, there is a point during the term where I have completely adjusted to it. But this term, for whatever reason, is totally different. I keep feeling anxious, like I want to run a mile, but I don't really know why. It's not senioritis. I've experienced that before, and it's a totally different feeling. It may be from lack of sleep. . . but I think my body has gotten used to that. I just don't know why I feel totally weird.

I've also developed an obsession with my master's project that is probably unhealthy. I perceive everything through a lense that relates to either gothic literature or Jane Austen. I'm totally creeped out by this. I want to learn to think outside the box, but I know that I'm really closing the walls in with this project. I've even had dreams of revising it in very specific ways. It's another reason why I've had a hard time sleeping.

I hope this isn't some unhealthy habit that develops into something extremely detrimental. I want to think that I can overcome some of my writer's block through the process of this blog, but I also know that I cannot talk specifically about my project or anybody that I work with. Damnit. I'm beginning to wonder if I can handle a Ph.D. program-- everyone feels unsure because we're in a program at a small, unknown school. If it's like what I am currently experiencing, that's probably no issue. I've definitely enjoyed these last 2 years more than what I've done prior. But, I also worry that when things change, I may become disillusioned (again). I would love to have a job in academia, but I know that it's slim pickings. I'm okay with that. Of course, that does leave the future in suspension.

The S.O. might not be moving with me to my graduate school. He may finish his degree in Colorado instead. This also puts a kink in the "well-planned" machinery known as my future. I don't know what to think with respects to that. I wonder if what I am doing will really make any difference. I also wonder if it's worth the sacrifice of other things that I find equally important. Oh well, I haven't found out from several of the schools I have applied to. So, I guess we'll wait and see.