Sunday, November 11, 2007

Explaining why Madison sucks

Aside from the issues of weather and overall climate (which we all know are absolutely horrible here), here are some reasons why Madison can occasionally suck:
  1. Madison is conservative: This is all relative. At one point, let's say in the 1960s, Madison was an island of liberal thought. Now, not so much. However, the local Sconnies have always boasted about Madison's liberal tendencies. Many places in the Midwest, including Chicago, call us the Red City for our Marxist vein... But, this is truly not the case here. Perhaps, if we are only looking in the five mile area known as the UW. Outside of that, Madison is just as conservative as one would expect a Midwestern farming state to be.
  2. Madison is racist: You wouldn't think it, would you... unless you finally notice that most of the caucasians live in the wealthy areas while the groups of minorities are stuck on the periphery of the city... Oh yes, the university promotes diversity in every way and shape possible... That's because there hardly isn't any.
  3. Madison is xenophobic: They don't like outsiders here. That's why there's the Sconnies vs. Coasties battle. And, the Sconnies do label us folks from Colorado as Coasties. Hello?? We're from a landlocked state. Not the coast. As if people from LA and NYC are going to be the same anyway. Sigh.
  4. Madison is overpriced: This again is all relative. Sure, we aren't anywhere near Chicago or New York prices, but we can't really boast the kind of view and activities they can... All I know is that I pay more to live here, where I freeze and have nothing to do, than in Denver, where I don't freeze and have stuff to do. Although you can find some juicy morsels of yummy food goodness at low prices, your taxes, rent, and/or entertainment will cost you a pretty penny. There are free of charge/low charge things to do, but they kind of suck because they don't charge and use the money to improve.
  5. There are a lot of crazy people here: These aren't your run-of-the-mill crazy people that you see hanging out. We do have those. We have drunks and druggies and generally rowdy people. But, we also have people that want to stock and harm other people. We also have folks that like to pretend they're door-to-door gynecologists. We also have people that have sex with dead deer carcasses on the side of the road. Of course, there are also the people who happen to stay up all night with 3 TVs blaring and decide to put up a flag for Veteran's Day at 5am on Sunday, and who also happen to be your downstairs neighbors. Need I say more?
  6. Nothing is open after 10pm: Except for bars. And Woodman's. But if I want to go to Walgreen's to pick up some cold medication, I'm out of luck. I'm also out of luck if I want to buy a 6-pack of beer after 9pm.
  7. If you don't like sports, you'll never fit in: I mean it. Never. It's not just football either. Everyone here plays a sport of some kind. They know people because of the sports they play. If you don't play or enjoy sports, they look at you as if you're some kind of alien. You might as well be painted in green... Oh, right... if you were painted in green, you'd probably be a sports fan. Duh.
I can't say that there are moments when I love Madison. But, sometimes I just need to vent about things that drive me crazy about this place. Blech.

25 comments:

Kirk and Cathy said...

Your list is exactly why we hate Wichita! It is crazy conservative, racist in a way that I though only existed in movies, and we're outsiders, so we're crap. I don't know about the deer sex- although if you read my MySpace blog, you'll note that at least a few people here believe that humans can impregnate all animals, and vice versa.

The one redeeming factor is that it is DIRT CHEAP out here. But we kind of hate it, for the reasons you outlined. We've started constructing a five year plan to get the hell out of here.

Emily said...

A five year plan? That's fantastic. We've been working on a plan to get us out of here too.

Again, I'm also surprised that Wichita would be so problematic... I know it's in Kansas, but I figured that it might be the one place in Kansas that was ok. Lawrence seemed ok when Kristy and I visited it, but everyone there was mean. I don't get it.

Kirk and Cathy said...

I've heard good things about Lawrence! We're planning a weekend trip there sometime soon.

Maybe we've just not yet found or niche in Wichita. Maybe we'll stay. For now, we want to go back to Colorado, or somewhere new and exciting. There are aspects that I like, but the things I hate currently drive me more crazy than the things I like make me happy, you know?

Dirt cheap is pretty awesome though. I don't know how I'll adjust to the prices if we move anywhere else, esp California or the East coast or something.

Anonymous said...

I hate madison for exactly all the reasons you do, and more. The medical, if anyone from outside of wisconsin is even considering it, is the epitome of conservative, totally dismisses students (I mean they accepted us, but they treated us like we're absolutely the most vile dumb people in the world- way more so than other medical schools- i've discussed this with friends at other schools...so why accept us, if our opinions are so worthless?), and yes, if you like sports and exercise you will get a better grade from attendings...just try talking about a book and you will just receive blank, awkward stares of disbelief and horror. They also have a very definitive smattering of passive-aggressive uncultured racist attendings, residents, and medical students. Furthermore, they give huge preference to students with children at the cost and inconvenience of students without children, and they do NOT make this clear to us when we're in the application process. And at the end of all of this, the past 4 years has been the most mediocre educational experience of my life, and a lot of my classmates and attendings are just not intelligent, and in general poorly educated.

also the city is boring. all the bars are the same. the stores suck. the weather sucks. and it just plain sucks. SUCKS. no amount of scholarship money is worth coming here.

Anonymous said...

you are a piece of shit. greenbush bakery is open past 10pm for one thing, also why the fuck did you come here if you didn't like the weather. grow a pair if you're gonna live in wisconsin, let alone madison. i don't know where the fuck you got the idea that we are conservative, but my roommate just worked while two lesbians were making out in front of her. conservative much? NOPE.

Emily said...

Wow. Pieces of shit? That comment sounds like it comes from a really open-minded and liberal person.

Greenbush does have ok donuts, but who cares.

Anonymous said...

Well, Madison is alright if you fall into one of two categories: 1) mildly retarded, sports-lovin' college douchebag (downtown), 2) elitist vegan hippie with dreadlocks and a 'Yes We Can' t-shirt (near eastside).

In all fairness, of course, there are other, smaller, less conspicuous cliques scattered throughout the city, but they're just as elitist and xenophobic -- if not more so -- as the college brats and the pseudo-liberals.

As for anybody who's still under the delusion that this city is even remotely leftist, just try explaining to one of these so-called 'leftist radicals' why exactly you voted for Nader last time around and see what kind of reaction you get -- it's not so much that they don't agree with you as it is that they're completely unwilling to even hear you out . . .

Basically, if you liked high school, you'll love Madison. If not, move someplace else.

Mick said...

Madison sucks! The street layout is a disaster, the city can't plow snow worth a damn, and the city is run by by liberal retards who've never held real jobs and are in denial about the gang and crime problems. Plus, it's too damned expensive! We moved out of Madison and Dane County after five years, never looked back! Plus you can't go to a farmers market without being accosted by any number of jerks with some leftist political agenda trying to foist brochures and crap off on you! Madison is a liberal island surrounded by reality, couldn't wait to leave!

That Frood said...

OMG I KNO!!! MADISION IS SUCH A PECE OF CRAP. I WNT THERE AND I KNO ALL ABOUT IT. I AM EXPRT.

Anonymous said...

I love this shit! I am a recent transplant from Milwaukee to "Mad Town" and I can't fucking stand this city!!! I'm sorry Madisonians, you DO NOT live in a bustling metropolis, as much as you think you do, this city is nothing more than a overgrown sub division... You DO NOT live in a city that is hip and cool. If you think hipster douche bags who think their shit don;t stink are hip and cool, then maybe I'm wrong... You DO NOT live in a city that is accepting and open minded. I thought this was LIB's wet dream of a town yet I have met more blatant racist in my 8 months here than I have in my 26 years in Milwaukee... This city is garbage. The drivers are the absolute worst I have ever seen, the bars are full of half wit, mildly to severely retarded townies/college students, and the icing on the cake is your WHOLE FUCKING TOWN SHUTS DOWN AT MIDNIGHT! Where the fuck am I supposed to take clients after a night of drinks, Denny's in Monona? Basically, you need to get the fuck over you bitch ass little town and stop acting like its the new "cool city" in the midwest... I swear, if China nuked you fuck heads off the face of the earth tomorrow, no one would give a flying fuck. Please, tell the dealerships to stop making turn signals "optional equipment" and cut the dreads out of hair, your making people gage....

J. Brownstains said...

Dear Thatfrood,

You, motherfucker, are the EXACT reason that people hate this town! You take one fucking sociology class at the UW and you think you are well versed in all aspects of life... I agree with the previous poster, you fuckers can't drive for shit(especially the Prius drivers with Obama stickers) You're town is not worth a beer fart... deal with it...

Nicholas said...

it's true, Madison does suck.. but not because of what it is, it's because of what it pretends to be. Madison people have some delusional egotistical opinion about their tiny little farm town -- they think it's a cultural mecca, and that's simply not true. Madison is a small Midwestern college town and that's it, nothing more. Seeing buskers on state street playing the guitar with an overturned hat filled with coins they put into it themselves makes me laugh... these spoiled little brat college students want to pretend like the town is urban and creative, when the reality is everything shuts down in the summer... Madison might as well be a seasonal festival.. except the season is the school year and the people there think it's real. The reality is that none of them would know how to survive one day in a real city like Milwaukee or Chicago. Wisconsin's only true city is Milwaukee... it's some ten times bigger than Madison with two million residents in its metro area and a truly organic, thriving urban fabric with all the tapestries of city culture mixed into unique neighbourhoods. Madison is no Milwaukee or Chicago. Madison is more of a Wichita, KS or a Springfield, IL

Anonymous said...

Never have I lived in a more culturally and intellectually inbred place as this. I wake up every morning to the wretched smell of lake funk, smog, cow farm and paper mill effluvia that settles in this shit town called Madison. The university also suffers from the same delusion as the city it resides in.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog. I agree, Madison is way over rated as a city. The people think they are hip-not.

Anonymous said...

I spent four years in Madison and was greatly disappointed. I never
encountered more close-minded people.
My biggest complaint...the women.
Aloof, sarcastic and generally a
lot less attractive than they think.
The Student Union was nice, however.

Anonymous said...

This was a waste to read, boo hoo, get a real problem to bitch about!

Anonymous said...

Your list was found after googling "madison, wi f***ing sucks" in a moment of frustration. You said it better than my search terms. I started blogging to vent...

http://madstupid.wordpress.com/

Anonymous said...

I've lived in about 20 different cities in two countries before coming to Madison and it's the first place I've been where everyone didn't say "this place sucks". No, they're proud of where they're from. I think that's more of a Wisconsin thing than Madison thing, but it applies here.

This is the safest city I've lived in, in the US.

It's the cleanest city I've lived in.

It's a great place to raise a kid, with hundreds of parks and good schools.

The University is in the top ten in the country for biomedical research (my job).

The food is better and more diverse than you would get in any other city this size.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last Anonymous. Though people from every city I have lived in claim that their city has the worst weather, drivers, and idiots (be that racists, politicians, parents of small children, hipsters, etc), Madison does not.

Yes, they have all the little quirks that make all cities suck, but it is also safe, clean, has good food, the farmer markets and if you need museums, theatre or culture there is always Minneapolis, Chicago or Milwaukee nearby.

Anonymous said...

really, if it sucks so much MOVE to somewhere that doesn't suck.

Nobody forced you to move there, and nobody is forcing you to stay. Oh, but right, it's a fantastic university, and you want your pretentious degree from here.

Anonymous said...

If you don't mind, I will rebut all of your points. First of all, the weather is fantastic. Summers are beautiful on the isthmus, and winter time is full of great snow, with nearby ski hills around. Second, in comparison with much of Wisconsin Madison is not at all conservative. Most of the city votes very liberally, hell it is a liberal town in general. I don't know where you are encountering such strong conservatism. Next, racism is everywhere, I guess I have little to say on that point. But as for xenophobia, there are many people from all parts of the country and the world that attend the university, and there does not exist some existential battle between "sconnies and coasties". Whoever labeled a Colorado-an a coastie is an idiotic outlier. Then, prices: you are right on relativity, but like any other city calling EVERYTHING expensive is a huge generalization. There are lots of expensive things, and lots of very well priced things. Let's see, next item is crazy people. I have no idea what you are talking about. You must have gotten unlucky and met a few whack jobs. There is no way that Madison can be characterized like that, I know (and am myself) countless reasonable normal people throughout the city. Next, as someone else pointed out, there are lots of things open past ten. I can think of a Walgreens near me that is open until midnight. Finally, sports culture is kinda big, but it is definitely NOT the case that you must like sports to fit in. Madison has tons and tons of recreational activities and other items of cultural note that have nothing to do with sports. Maybe Green Bay is all sports and nothing else, but certainly not Madison.

Andrew said...

OMG- besides everyone being a baby, I love the comment someone stated Madisonians wouldn't survive or know what to do in a REAL big city like Milwaukee of Chicago.--HAHAHAHA really?...if you're not an 80 year old with down syndrome I think ANYONE can hang in ANY city they want. Talk about being an urban-uppity!!- You hold Chicago and Milwaukee as urban kingdoms like OZ and the dorthys in Madison have no idea what to do there- you should really get a clue- You can bitch about anything-anywhere- at anytime-the trick is to enjoy life, something you obviously have trouble with. Like many above, I have lived in many places and I always keep the same credo: come as you are!!!!!-don't analyze a city to death just enjoy yourself

John and Anima said...

Madison offers the lakeshore path and bike paths around Mendota and Monona, plus there's Picnic Point and many other extremely nice parks with free summer swimming all around the city. Madison contains many diffuse neighborhoods that offer a kind of cold, indifferent warmth. Overall, it is a LOT less liberal than in years past, but so is Berkeley, for that matter. Conservative money talks and liberals walk...away from the gentrified neighborhoods. Universities' sociological infrastructures devolve coinciding with the devolution of the culture in general. I'm sure most liberal college kids from the 60's would consider the liberal students of this era to be complete brainwashed, corporate sell-outs.

That being said, Madison is probably one of many skeleton liberal college towns that are still hanging on to an illusion of what they once were. It's really just another post-liberal, conservative city that's losing ground against a growing tide of duh-fight-bad-foreigners-bad mentality being promulgated on the entire US population ever since Reagan cemented military industrial complex CEOs into the backbone of the government.

Theflickeringeyeball said...

I hate Madison because the "counter culture" is as boring and close minded as the mainstream culture it purports to defy. And all anybody wants to talk about here is food. People philosophize about food. They write porn and articles about food. They take the same kind of pleasure in food that I take from Tony Iommi's guitar playing. I have been on about a million first dates here. The conversation starts out about food. I keep waiting for it to get interesting and it never does. And I have put a great deal of proactive effort into being happy in Madison and have come up more miserable than when I started. What I hate the most about this city is that I can't seem to find a way to leave. The one thing that would make it possible, which is a job elsewhere (anywhere), never materializes despite the considerable effort on my part. I am starting to entertain fantasies about committing ritual self-disembowelment with a ball point pen while kneeling in front of Graze at dinner time on a Friday night. Anybody take issue with what I have just said, UP YOURS AD INFINITUM.

Theflickeringeyeball said...

And dont aspire to be anything serious from a musical standpoint. People dont want to hear it unless it is either campy or gender-bending or both. And they will accuse you of taking yourself too seriously as they take pictures of their dinners and post them on Facebook. Truly......self immolation appears at times to be the only appropriate response (once again, up yours to whoever doesnt like what I have to say).