We figured it out, and it wasn't pretty

Keith finally figured out what was causing our braincells to die. One afternoon, while I was out doing something else, Keith managed to use his shopvac to blow out all of the vents in the apartment. He found the following toxic materials:

• many melted crayons
• plastic hair barrettes
• pieces of miscellaneous garbage
• human hair

And finally...

• One used condom. Black. Ribbed for someone else's pleasure.

Every time we turned the heater on, all of these things would melt, and fumes would rise into our air. Once he cleaned out everything, we are slowly returning to sanity. And the sanitary.

This, my friends, is a lesson to be learned about apartments. You can never tell who lived here before you, but you definitely want to get someone to clean up after them.