Is it the weather?

I've been quite tired lately. And it's not the kind of tiredness one would experience from doing a lot of physical activity. I think my brain is tired, and I'm a little depressed. I've seriously let myself down into terms of all my classes, my work, and my proposal.

For whatever reason, my film classes have sucked the life out of me. I no longer enjoy film studies as much as I used to in Greeley. It may be due to their more historical and stylistic approaches, which disagree with my more cultural studies approach. All the same, anytime someone wants to see an art house film at the local cinematheque, my face gets this rather disgusted expression on it.

I also didn't give myself as much time as I should writing these damn film papers. I had to take an incomplete in one class, but the guilt of taking this incomplete has been plaguing me. I feel like my professors (yes, 2 for the one course) really dislike me and can't possibly understand why I am in their course. Frankly, I can't either.

As for my students, I have noticeably shortchanged them. They know this. I know this. I'm going to have to give them grades soon. But, I'm not sure how well I can assess their performance given how much of a slacker I've been. Can I blame them for procrastinating? Isn't that what I've been doing to them?

I also didn't get a chance to do hardly any research for my proposal. I now have a very vague, nebulous idea, but that's about it. My professors will be gone for a long time after this spring, and the inevitable push to get this thing done by April is looming over me. I'm not even thinking about this much since I've been working on my papers. But, it is just another thing that's just out there, waiting for me.

Finally, my personal life. I can't say that I've been very fair to Keith this past semester. He has been plodding faithfully along with all of the housework and other chores while I've been tearing my hair out about prelims, my courses, my students, and my proposal. He's already beyond fed up, and I can't blame him. Yet, I'm totally stuck in a rut of unproductiveness, and I can't seem to shake it off. What the hell???

Maybe I should take more vitamins. Or quit grad school. Or go on a run in the icy, unplowed streets. Blah. Sleep doesn't help. Staying awake doesn't either. And, right now, I'm currently procrastinating from commenting on a few of my students' papers. Not even all of them... just a few. I suck.