Filling the Void with Beer

Alas, after all of that grading and reading and writing was complete, I finally feel a short-lived void in my life (at this exact moment in time). Tis a weird experience.

On a lighter yet not so light note, many of the grad students who have presented their projects thus far (2) have passed. Not necessarily with flying colors. No, instead, with much crying, and sometimes with biting and kicking.

I don't know what to say about the whole process. I guess I was really never that excited about my project to make it subsume my entire life. . . yet I was also never really so apathetic that I treated it like a piece of crap. So, I really don't know how to sympathize with this emotional catharsis. I think I already experienced that during my awkward writing process.

. . . Which, for all practical purposes, really did help me out. I mean, I complained heavily and wept bitterly, but I've really found that I feel so much better about the project as just a paper. A dissertation then becomes just a paper. A much longer paper, but a paper nonetheless. Graduate schools, PhD programs, and my unknown career in academia don't really seem that daunting anymore.

Of course this brings about other problems that I need to deal with. . . specifically, the logistics of graduate school. I've found that I still need to figure out how I am going to move, what I am going to get rid of, and how I'm going to live without my S.O. That seems to be the worst thing thus far, yet it's really not THAT bad.

Life goes on. You get an artificial tan, and the fake UV rays seem to make the monumental clouds go away.

Just like the old philosophers used to say Q.E.D. -- aka Knock off and have a beer!

Some much grading, yet I still don't care!

I have to ask myself why I am in the teaching biz, and I now know the nature of my love/hate relationship with this career. I love teaching. I love discussion. I love hearing my students, even if they are pontificating, talk about whatever it is they want to talk about. But, I've finally come to the conclusion that I absolutely hate grading with a passion. Grading just sucks.

At any rate, I just finished writing a first draft of my presentation with my handout, and I have just shipped it out to my reading committee for their opinions. I am also planning on providing food and alcohol to the presentation for everyone that is willing to show up. Since it is nearly the end of several presentations, I know that the "encourgement" from food and beverages will definitely help with my reception.

Other than that, I am still waiting on my first choice school to give me the final info on my additional fellowship. Still waiting. . . and waiting. . . and waiting. . .

back in town and absolutely hating it

I finally got back into town around midnight on Sunday. It was quite the whirlwind experience, and I loved every minute of it. However, now that I am back, the things that only slightly irritated me now REALLY piss me off. I can't help myself.
I've also found myself incredibly behind. I got absolutely nothing done in terms of my own school work during the break. So I've been in the process of pulling all nighters and praying to the almighty caffeine and fruity water god for help. It's not been working too well, so I'm really hoping for a second wind to get me back up to speed after this weekend.

In other news, I think I've made my final decision for grad school. . . but I want to wait about 2 weeks before I send out all of my notifications. I need to wait because this school promised to contact me about more funding ($$), but they are currently on break now. Once I get the $$, I'll accept. Hell, I might accept anyway.

We have a final countdown in terms of our MA projects. I'm the last person in the "graduate on time" group -- meaning that I will be doing my presentation on April 8th at 5pm. Good times. This is far more nerve destroying than the actual process of writing that damn paper. The main scare is the 20 minute question and answer session from hell. Basically, people who have never read your paper are now allowed to interrogate you about the paper and grade you and fail or pass you based on how well you answer questions. Thus far, they have passed many ass clowns because they had no criteria. Now, they have plenty of criteria, and they are ready to roast us away.

Good times, good times.

Cheese curds rock!

Ok, maybe they don't totally rock. . .
I'm currently in Madison staying with a pack of grad students from UW. These last few days have been really cool. Everybody here is super nice. . . and the program appears to exceptionally rigorous. They are currently trying to work out additional fellowships for me. . . I'm getting sold on the idea of being here, although the housing situation is a little strange. I don't particularly want to live with a roommate, but this seems to be a big necessity.
Next stop will be Tucson. . . they are offering me a ton of money to attend their university, and they are really excited about meeting me on Friday.

Ok, it's really difficult to make the right decision about graduate schools. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

More on being trapped in jello

I'm currently trying to finish the entire rewrite of my masters project while simultaneously packing for Madison. I leave for Madison tomorrow night. My SO has been kind enough to write me lists of things for packing, carrying, remembering to do, etc. Sigh.
I hate my project. It's become this monstrosity that is no longer mine. I cried and cried all day yesterday after I was told by my committee to rewrite the entire thing by Friday afternoon. I cried even harder when I got home because I knew that I had lost my personal integrity.
I honestly don't think it will be too hard to find a job after I finish grad school. I might not become a professor, but I can probably become somebody's personal yes man or something along those lines. My unguarded self has left the building. It doesn't even matter any more. . . Now I know that my own thoughts are absolutely worthless to the ego-sucking academics who can only think of themselves.
I don't know what else to say about this whole process. First, I suppose, is never have someone who isn't tenured yet chair your committee. Next is to drop someone the minute trouble is brewing. . . even a hint of it. Last is always have two different copies of an essay ready in case one is going to be rejected outright at the very last minute.
It is now practically the 11th hour. I have no idea how I'm going to end my paper. I have no idea if grad school is really like this all the time. I honestly wonder if I will devote more time to blowing my nose into kleenex and rubbing my eyes raw with toilet paper.

Sooo sick!

I am suffering from yet another cold this semester. It seems like everyone I know and teach is sick or has been sick. This, of course, comes at an inopportune moment. I am literally about 7 days away from the deadline for my masters project. I feel like I'm trapped in jello.

On another note, I'm also trying arrange my travel plans to Madison during my spring break weekend. It's pretty crazy because the only method I can afford is via train and bus. So, I will probably be sitting in a coach seat for about 18 hours or so. After that, I will probably be on a bus for another 4 hours. Good times.

I need to hear back from the grad coordinator to make sure that I don't miss any tasty treat activities on my arrival and departure days -- of course, I probably will because the most awkward times for arriving and leaving are the cheapest.

I'm also planning a trip to Arizona. . . Tuscon wants to visit me, and they appear to have plenty of money to do it.

Oh, head cold. . . how you torment me!!!