Monday, February 28, 2005

So Happy, I might end up dead or incarcerated...

I just got into one of the biggest and bestest schools for English Lit in the 18th Century. I cannot believe it!!!!

I found out via email, in a rather casual, hey, btw, you've been admitted to our program. I love this!!! This has been the best day I've had in sooooo long! I'm ecstatic!

Of course, this may mean that I will have to force my SO to move to a cold-weather climate, but too bad for him! It's too important to go anywhere but here!

I even did the happy dance of life. Yay!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Such a sad day

I really find the apt words of Eric Burns on this day to be quite poignant. Today is the last day of Queen of Wands. I loved reading this strip. It was one of my first introductions to webcomics, and I remained a die-hard fan of this strip till the end. And the ending was exactly what I would have expected for an ending.

I don't normally get emotional when it comes to webcomics. I just don't. But today, I started tearing up at the final goodbyes, especially the goodbye to Denver.

I think many of us, at some point in our lives, realize that we must take that extra step -- that step away from friends, family, and familiarity -- to move forward. I'm glad that Kestrel is moving on. I'm glad that Aeire is moving on too. But, I really had hoped in my somewhat escapist and idealistic daydreams that this ending would have been delayed for a while longer.

I already miss it.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Is it still February?

I am always saying this, yet it seems truer every year. . . Isn't time flying by? So, now I await the news of my masters project. ..I will probably get a ton of criticism on it, and I'll only have about 4 days to get it squared away as a final draft. I also have to apply to OSU's scholarships, and I was considering entering my paper into an 18th century contest for $100 and publication. I was thinking about the JASNA contest, but this year's topic is outside of my range.

I think I have about 3 presentations to prepare (including my project's presentation), 3 final papers, and about 3 or 4 books I need to read during Spring Break. It's going to be a ton of fun. yeah, right.

Many of us in the program are freaking out about the future. We worry about what's going to happen to us if and when we graduate with our Masters. Our hopes are that we get jobs or go to schools or even survive the realities of unemployment and academia in a not-so-great economy.

You would think that I would be used to this. After all, this isn't the first time I've graduate with a degree. But, I'm not the kind of person who can kick back and relax when there are so many things that are unplanned that make a major impact on my life.

But, kicking back is what I'll have to do. After all, you can't control the world. Not all the time, that is.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

The Joys of Finishing Yet Another Draft!

I'm now on the proofreading portion of my journey. Oh Frabjous Day! I'm also simultaneously watching Blade II while I try to catch all of my weird antics and typos in my last full reading of my project. Now the project will fall into the hands of my reading committee. . . Whether by my own foolishness or genius, my entire committee is comprised of the toughest readers in the department. I wanted meticulousness. . . I wanted perfection. . . But now I want to be done with it all.

I don't think this will be a problem. Another interesting turn of events is the schedules of my faithful readers. They are busier than anybody else because they are also serving on 4-5 other people's committees. Maybe it's a good thing? It's hard to say. At any rate, I plan on having a draft to them no later than Tuesday. More than likely, I will be dropping it in their mailboxes sometime tomorrow.

On another note, my S.O.'s birthday will be on Tuesday. We are planning on somehow celebrating his 28th birthday over next weekend because he has some kind of evil, demonic test in a clas of difficulty on Wednesday. I am planning on, hopefully, getting him a copy of the latest South Park (which is coming out on the same day as his B-Day). This should be exciting and fun for him, I hope. I think he just wants a nice lunch at LD Buffet. . . .well, we'll see.

We had dinner at Roma's tonight. . . It's the first time we've eaten out in months. Eh. . . it was okay. Nothing special. Once you get used to the joys of frozen food and take out pizza, nothing seems to really fill the void of hunger any longer.

A committee we will come!

I'm finally putting the finishing touches on my project before I send to my reading committee this week. I think this is one of the most difficult parts of revision, although it becomes an almost addictive task.

How do you end up rephrasing things when you think you've done what you can? That's the hard part.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Lots 'o racism in really weird ways

Ok, so I live in Colorado right now, and we all know that Colorado is not the most tolerant place on earth. But come on! I just realized a large portion of my students are racist. And, as my S.O. neatly explained, not racist in any type of an original manner. They are cliche racists. Many of them explain away their racism and ignorance in catch phrases and in sentences that we've often heard stated by politicians and other public speakers. They are not even thinking about the fact that they are racist, and this scares me more than anything I've encountered before.

Perhaps they realize that I am going to be freaked out by this and are doing it intentionally. I don't know. Frankly, I'm going to say that cliched phrase, that "I am concerned about America's future" because I've been noticing this as a growing trend in incoming freshmen. Maybe it's just me living in Colorado. Maybe it's different elsewhere. . . However, after this year's election, I'm now seriously concerned that this is a growing trend that no one is stopping.

What the hell happened? Now my parents live in fear. They make sure that they have American flags and patriotic bumper stickers surrounding them in a fence of polite acquiesence. They are terrified that we may one day issue those great, 'ol concentration camps of yore in order to "help out" and "protect" minorities from others. Their paranoia is laughable to an extent, but when one of my students tells me that the only kind of racism that truly exists is lynching. . .well, let's just say I'll be putting up a few flags of my own.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

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A revisin' we will go. . .

Right now I am currently revising my master's project while watching Dodgeball simultaneously. Nothing is better than working on literary criticism while watching a slapstick movie. I also saw Harold and Kumar for the first time last night. Damn, that was so smart in its funny.

I don't think I can get used to this semester. Usually, there is a point during the term where I have completely adjusted to it. But this term, for whatever reason, is totally different. I keep feeling anxious, like I want to run a mile, but I don't really know why. It's not senioritis. I've experienced that before, and it's a totally different feeling. It may be from lack of sleep. . . but I think my body has gotten used to that. I just don't know why I feel totally weird.

I've also developed an obsession with my master's project that is probably unhealthy. I perceive everything through a lense that relates to either gothic literature or Jane Austen. I'm totally creeped out by this. I want to learn to think outside the box, but I know that I'm really closing the walls in with this project. I've even had dreams of revising it in very specific ways. It's another reason why I've had a hard time sleeping.

I hope this isn't some unhealthy habit that develops into something extremely detrimental. I want to think that I can overcome some of my writer's block through the process of this blog, but I also know that I cannot talk specifically about my project or anybody that I work with. Damnit. I'm beginning to wonder if I can handle a Ph.D. program-- everyone feels unsure because we're in a program at a small, unknown school. If it's like what I am currently experiencing, that's probably no issue. I've definitely enjoyed these last 2 years more than what I've done prior. But, I also worry that when things change, I may become disillusioned (again). I would love to have a job in academia, but I know that it's slim pickings. I'm okay with that. Of course, that does leave the future in suspension.

The S.O. might not be moving with me to my graduate school. He may finish his degree in Colorado instead. This also puts a kink in the "well-planned" machinery known as my future. I don't know what to think with respects to that. I wonder if what I am doing will really make any difference. I also wonder if it's worth the sacrifice of other things that I find equally important. Oh well, I haven't found out from several of the schools I have applied to. So, I guess we'll wait and see.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Excess Baggage

I'm currently reading Eliza Haywood's Love in Excess. It is quite a tantillating novel, and I'm absolutely smitten with it thus far. I should have it finished tonight. . . then, on with Cultural Studies, woo-hoo!

On a different note, I am trying to figure out how to shake my addiction to Vitamin Water. I wonder if this stuff is made by the devil because, frankly, I cannot get enough of it. Cheesy enough as that is, whatever they put in their water must have addictive chemical substances. . . Or maybe it just tastes REALLY good.

At any rate, thanks to Vitamin Water, I was able to kick my caffeine habits. I was a former Coca-Cola drinker. . . we're talking about a six pack and a half a day! Now, I only drink coke when I go out to eat, which is a rarity. I'm even beginning to ask for regular water at restaurants instead.

However, this doesn't stop my full force craving for that delicious Vitamin Water. Seriously, I think I'm going into withdrawals. . . and it's only been two days!!!

On a not-so-commercial note, I will be anticipating the criticism that will fuel my third draft of the Masters Project. I guess I will have a total of about 5 of these things. Sigh. Only 5 more weeks to go before I probably have to present. It may even be less than that. I'm scared!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

A Topic for Rock Film!

Finally, I figured out the topic I want to work with in the Rock Film class. I would like to talk about globalization as it is represented in Daft Punk's Interstella 5555. This film combines anime with Daft Punk, and it's awesome.
I'm totally thrilled. . . and I'm hoping to find some sources to incorporate into this paper. Yipes!
Nobody knows loving like a PhD!

Big brains are sexy. . . and Diesel Sweeties rocks!